


Reaching Out

by AgentStannerShipper



Series: tumblr ficlets [24]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mission Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 20:11:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17453492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentStannerShipper/pseuds/AgentStannerShipper
Summary: Harry asks Merlin an unexpected question. Actually, a few.





	Reaching Out

**Author's Note:**

> From the prompts: “How can anyone not be afraid of love?” and “It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself.”

“Do you ever think about finding someone?”

Merlin blinks. “Galahad, your op is over. There is no alternative target. You’re to come home now.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Over the com link, Merlin hears him pacing, presumably across the floor of his hotel room, as he waits for the extraction team. “It’s just…the thing is, I’m not coming home to anyone, and I was wondering if there was anyone you went home to.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m wording this rather badly.” Harry’s laugh is nervous, and Merlin hits a few keys, securing their channel. “I’m, uh, asking if you have a partner. Someone outside of work that you can go home to.”

“That’s…a bit personal, Galahad.”

“The mission is over, Merlin. Can I…can I just be Harry for a moment?”

“Alright, Harry,” Merlin allows. He slumps back in his seat, trying to decide how to answer. He and Harry are friends, sort of, in that tentative way that new co-workers often are. Eventually, he settles on, “I’m not dating anyone, no.”

“May I ask why?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because it’s lonely. I’ve never done well being lonely.”

“It’s a sight better than being chained to someone else.”

“You don’t believe that!”

Merlin absolutely does. Growing up with his parents, he can’t help but think that if his mother had been able to find a way to leave his father, they all would have been better off for it.

Harry hesitates, and when Merlin remains silent, he asks, “Then you don’t ever want to find love?”

“God no,” Merlin says. “Why the hell would I want that?” Love is something that Merlin has not allowed himself to think about since he was a child, not since his father beat it into him that _people like him_ were not allowed to love.

“Why _wouldn’t_ you?” Harry sounds scandalized, and Merlin would chuckle at the tone if he didn’t feel so strongly about this. Something deep in his chest, something he’s worked very hard to supress, stirs with interest. “Love is…it’s pure and beautiful and-“

“Terrifying?” Merlin suggests. “One step away from loathing?”

If Merlin thought Harry sounded scandalized before, it’s nothing compared to his tone now. “How can you be _afraid_ of love?”

“How can anyone not be afraid of love?” Merlin asks incredulously, “It’s messy, and someone always ends up hurt, and when it’s gone people like to pretend that it’s still there and then everyone ends up miserable. And for people like us, it’s even worse! It’s secrets and lies and long nights ‘at the office’ or ‘away on business,’ and that’s not fair to anyone. And that’s assuming it was love in the first place, not obsession or infatuation or an equally short-burning flame that gets snuffed out and leaves nothing but smoke and ashes behind.”

“Lovely imagery,” Harry says dryly. “Although, if I may, it sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself.”

“Harry, I am never going to be able to love someone, and I am fine with that. Do whatever you want, but someone like me…I don’t get the white picket fence and the smiling wife and the two-point-five kids, and I don’t _want_ them.”

“What about a two-bedroom flat, a ridiculous husband, and a handful of dogs? Would that interest you?”

“I’m sorry, _what_?”

“Look, we both know that I’m far more effective when I don’t pull my punches, so I won’t beat around the bush any longer. I like you, Merlin. Perhaps more than I should, considering our positions, but I like you all the same. And, if you’re interested, I’d like to take you out some time. What do you think?”

“I’m…I’m…” Merlin can’t bring the familiar lie to his lips.

Harry says it for him, “Not gay? That’s alright. I’d still like to take you out.”

“Harry, _I can’t_.”

“Why not?”

“Because-“ And suddenly, for all that he’s told himself time and time again that his interest in Harry (because there is interest, no matter how hard he’s tried to lock it away and forget about it) is a terrible idea, he can’t think of a single reason why not.

Harry takes his silence and runs with it, “One date, Merlin. That’s all I want, one date. Think of it as a dinner between friends, if you like, that might turn into something more if we both decide that’s what we want. No pressure, no strings, just one date. Will you at least think about it?”

Merlin’s mouth moves without his consent, “I’ll think about it.”

“Excellent,” Harry sounds pleased. “Oh, look, perfect timing. The extraction team just pulled up outside. I’ll see you when I touch down in England.”

“Make sure your report is in on time,” is all Merlin can think to say.

“I’ll have it in on time if you have your answer ready by then,” Harry says. “See you later, Merlin.” The com link severs.

Merlin puts his head in his hands and tries to remember how to breathe.


End file.
